•12:58 PM
LANA:

As we've now been bringing our question to God of whether Paris should happen or not, it's kind of interesting to me that DH and I are both in a dramatically heightened state of unrest. We are not feeling more pacified with the idea of a long, drawn-out savings plan for school, but exactly the opposite. It feels like a fire has been lit under our bums. We're getting extremely antsy.

I came across this blog today by a Detroit Lakes man living abroad in China and I can't even read past the first page for how it twists me up inside with urgency. It reminds me of how much we're missing each and every day while there is so much outside of the Midwest we want to be a part of and learn, and it feels quite simply like we are wasting precious time. It reaffirmed to me that our need to leave (not just for DH's baking and pastry program, but permanently relocating to Seattle or Portland afterward) isn't a wishful dream; it's a sense of purpose that it's frustrating to delay longer than we already have.

I also met with a couple a few days ago who prospectively want to live in these townhomes. Through their eyes, it was a spacious, homey complex with sunlight and windows galore and a wide-open grassy yard, plus a swimming beach only a few blocks away. They said they want to start and grow their family here. This reminded me that there is really nothing wrong with where we live. For some people, living in this town, even at this address, is what they envision when they plan their future, and it makes them happy. I don't know why, but this is not us.

I realized it ultimately comes down to two things: DH has gone about as far as he can go with his profession and food education here and he still wants to be better and have access to more styles and ingredients. Similarly, we do not have a real home yet, and we want to get on finding it that, too. God is allowing these things to continue to chafe on us, prodding us to near desperation to make something happen soon.

It's not the most pleasing feeling to go about the day with, but desperation begets more prayer and more ideas, and these beget action, which likely results in change. Boy, I could use some change right now!

One note I can make is that DH and I admitted to each other that we have both started thinking about the idea of moving to the West Coast before going abroad, as there is likely more springboards and networking opportunities that could make Paris a feasible reality sooner.

It is a step.

It could very likely be an answer to prayer.
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